jupiterpurple (jupiterpurple) wrote in spectrum_parent,

tantrums, rules

He's 15 and atypical. People don't see an autistic kid. They see a spoiled teenager acting like a toddler. How do I get him to not throw a tantrum when the answer is NO? It's embarrassing as hell. Why can't he just follow the rules? Is it really so difficult for him to stop talking when he's been told to be quiet? Honestly, why is NO the trigger for major tantrums, EVERY SINGLE TIME?
Two Sundays ago he wanted a sucker in the morning before church. We said no. This launched into him gagging and hacking and coughing and spitting because his mouth was dry and water didn't fix it. Without trying it, he knew better than his parents (who have NEVER in their ENTIRE lives had a dry throat) that gum and a cough drop were useless. The only thing that would fix it was a sucker. All through church we got dirty looks and glares from him. We weren't allowed to touch him or talk to him. He'd jerk away from us if we tried to talk to him. Several times he got up and walked out. Later, of course, it wasn't about the sucker. He was just in a bad mood because he didn't feel well. Felt fine after church. Felt fine before church, until we said he couldn't have a sucker.
The week before it was a radio he wanted. He really needed it because none of his other radios work. This was news to me since he'd had the headphones on so loud in the car that my husband and I couldn't hear each other over them. He got rude and nasty with us over the stupid radio. That was Saturday night. We paid for that all through church the next day.
Today, it was over lunch. His brother wanted Subway, and he said ok, until we said he couldn't have chips or a cookie. Then he didn't want a sandwich. The argument ensued. When we told him to stop arguing, he got snotty and flippant. We told him to stop being disrespectful, and the tantrum began, full of sarcasm.
How does one deal with it? Are there any tricks to helping him get it about rules and consequences? When will it click that the consequences are because of his actions?
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