jupiterpurple (jupiterpurple) wrote in spectrum_parent,

advice from people who mean well.

x-posted in aspecialparent and spectrum_parent

We had a rough weekend with Chance. Riley got the last rib for lunch, and Chance was stuck with stir-fry (I went without lunch so he and Dad could have the stir-fry). So ten minutes later, he's telling us it tastes bad, and it's making him sick. He's going to puke if he has to eat it. Since it's half gone, and I know his modus operandi, I tell him to eat that or go hungry. The argument ensues. It got pretty nasty. He went hungry and was, of course, in tears 30 minutes later because he was starving.
I'm sure you all know the drill. "I didn't get what I wanted, or someone else got something better, so the world is coming to an end and Mom and Dad will give me exactly what I want, or gp through hell until I find something else to fixate on, usually by tomorrow."
We stood our ground because I don't want to spend the rest of my life fixing him three lunches until he decides to eat one of them, and two dinners, and four breakfasts, etc.
So, today I was telling my sisters about the rough weekend, and they tell me how to handle it. Chance is 14. I have been dealing with his autism and brain injury for 11 years (the onset of each was age 3). All the methods that work for NT kids don't work for Chance. If you try them, you usually end up with a worse mess than what you started with. I've told them this before. They've seen it. They've lost it with him. They use all the "magic" methods for raising NT kids that don't even exist in the world of autism, and given up, or become angry with him, etc.
So, they tell me all these things to do and say. All I could say was "have you MET my son, Chance?"
I know my sisters were trying to help, and I know they love me. AND, they are not as bad as my in-laws who think I'm too strict, or know nothing about children (I won't go into HOW wrong they are on THIS), but HONESTLY! I didn't say it because I didn't want to be rude when they're trying to help. But seriously: if you don't have an autistic kid, don't tell me how to raise mine. You want to help? Take him for a day. Help me with Riley, but don't talk to me about dealing with Chance like I'm stupid. Before we placed him special needs care, LJ was the only real support I got with this. Now the foster parents have babysitters for him if they want to go to the bathroom, and THEY handle him worse than I do. My sisters know that, too.

I guess I'm just venting. Anyone else have anything similar so I don't feel isolated?

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